Lavender [abbott - gergar/workwives]
There are three things you need to know about Gerald Howard: 1 He is happily married. 2 He loves and admires his wife Barbara. And 3, he is, without a doubt, very gay.
Now, this would be a shock to his family, and to most of the members of the church they go to every week. It certainly isn’t a shock to his wife. When they met - a date arranged by their mothers - it took about one second for them to know exactly why it wouldn’t work out between them. And yet, they found themselves becoming friends. Barbara was studying to become a teacher, he was already working. And there were their families. They wouldn’t accept, at least Gerald knew for sure his family wouldn’t. And staying forever single was sure to bring about many unwanted conversations and whispers. It seemed logical back then. It seemed like the right thing to do. And if Gerald was honest he was very happy.
They had a family and that was more than he had ever thought he would get. So he was thankful.
Their other needs were met outside of their marriage. Away from their house. Barbara never asked about whoever he went out with; he never asked her when she would be brave enough to talk about her feelings for Melissa. And they were fine as long as their girls were in the first place. And they were.
Gerald had to be honest though, he didn’t know why Barbara would put herself through going to dinner with Melissa and her boyfriend. But he found himself agreeing to it. At least he knew the food was going to be amazing. He expected Gary, the vending machine guy, to be better than Joe. He truly did. Even if he thought Barbara was the right person to Melissa anyway. He did not expect Gary to be like that.
And by that he meant definitely not straight.
The first clue he had was right when they arrived at Melissa’s. They shook hands, him and Gary, and when he looked at the man’s eyes there was something there. It was like it took Gary a second to figure him out completely. Gerald felt threatened. Even though he knew, rationally, that Melissa wouldn’t care. He knew she would understand. He knew they weren’t wrong for how they chose to live their lives, him and Barbara. So after a quick go to the restroom, Gerald felt like he was ready to go through the dinner, and actually meet the vending machine guy.
The second happened after dinner. Gerald had, as always, offered to clean the dishes. Gary had agreed to help, automatically, which gave Gerald some pause. Joe used to help before, but it was clear he wasn’t happy to do it. Gary whoever had agreed not a second after Gerald said it, and was already on his feet going to the kitchen. But this reaction was not what tipped Gerald to the fact that Gary was not straight. They were doing the dishes, and Gary was standing very close to him. And his arm was touching Gerald’s and he never mentioned it. And he certainly did not move away. Gary just kept chatting. Asking about Gerald’s work, talking a bit about his own work in return. They even exchanged numbers. By the time they were leaving Gerald was puzzled, but sure that Gary was way better than Joe in every aspect he could think of. Maybe he was being paranoid. And so he decided to give the guy a chance.
After the first dinner, Gary started texting him. Nothing too annoying, at first he was asking if Gerald wanted to grab a beer with him. And Barbara had some sort of women’s camp from church and honestly, it was his alone time and he wasn’t really interested in hooking up with some random man. So he said yes.
Talking to Gary was surprisingly easy. It turns out Gerald and Gary had a lot in common. They both like fishing, and watching baseball. They both secretly enjoy watching romantic comedies. Gerald tells Gary all about the books he likes to read, and even though Gary doesn’t know any of them, he listens. Actually entertained to hear about them.
Gerald learns Gary grew up in a catholic household, even though he does not go to church. And even though he’s not really in touch with his family. Gerald learns this is a somewhat difficult topic, and he learns that from the way Gary’s voice breaks a little while telling him about it. It seems to happen a lot when Gary talks about his younger years. Gerald wishes then that he could talk about his own church and his family. He doesn’t. There’s a part of him that believes Melissa knows, that thinks maybe Barbara is only hiding from him. It doesn't matter, he's not about to actually say anything.
But he finds himself wanting to tell Barbara about. It feels wrong, to nurture this friendship somehow.
Gerald knows it’s wrong, he’s not stupid. He sees that Gary likes Melissa. He sees that she’s happy with him, and yet, he finds himself unable to put distance between them. Gerald knows he should. He had been well behaved for the last 30 years of his life. He knew there was no way he could fall in love, so whenever he did, he went the other way. His first thoughts were always about his family, his kids. He would never make Barbara go through a divorce. He knew what people in church would say; especially if the divorced ended with him openly dating a man. He had made a promise. And he didn’t want to break it. And yet he found himself texting Gary, and still agreeing to go fish with him on the weekend. Gerald knew he had to tell Barbara, but he knew that meant actually stopping hanging out with Gary. And so, he decided that he deserved at least one last weekend fishing.
There are many things Gerald expects from the fishing trip. He expects silence (a lot of it). Some talk about life, in general (mostly done by Gary since Gerald can’t actually open up to the man, and he’s afraid he won’t stop talking once he starts, so he doesn’t). He expects the smell of fish, and the worms trying to flee from the box they’re on. What he doesn’t expect is Gary breaking up sacred silence to say:
“How is it that my girlfriend is in love with your wife?”
Gerald coughs, surprise can’t even begin to explain how he feels. But he looks at Gary and realizes the question is asked the way Gary usually asks questions, no judgements. And even if Gerald's first reaction is to deny and lie, he finds himself unable to do it.
“Me and Barbara… We love each other.” Gerald says, his voice failing. “Just not in a romantic way.” His heart is beating so fast he’s surprised Gary can’t hear it.
“Oh, she knows you’re gay!?” Is what Gary says and Gerald looks at him bewildered. Gary looks relieved.
“WHAT?”
“You thought I didn’t know? I’m not the smartest, Gerald, but I’m not dumb.” Gary says, and Gerald laughs. He doesn’t really know exactly why he’s laughing. But he can’t seem to stop and Gary follows along. They stay like this for a full minute, both men laughing and probably scaring the fish around them with the movement and noise they were making. When Gerald finally managed to stop and breath he felt much lighter than before.
“I’m sorry, Gary, I don’t know what to say. What they have… I don’t really understand to be honest.” Gerald looked at Gary with a sad smile. “I think Barb still has a hard time accepting parts of herself, you know?”
“And Melissa doesn’t know, does she?” Gary asks.
“About me and Barbara? How our marriage is… different?” Gerald confirms, Gary nods. “I don’t think she does. I think if she did they would be together already.” Gerald confesses. “I mean no offense to you. You’re good to her.” He adds, on second thought. Knowing that even if Gary knew before, even if he was probably flirting a little with Gerald before, it could mean nothing.
“Oh no offense taken. Actually, I think Melissa and I, we’re better as friends…” Gary explained.
Fishing doesn’t happen that day. What does happen is Gary and Gerald talking to each other, with no lies between them.
Melissa Schemmenti has been working at Abbott for 15 years, 7 months, 22 days, 2 hours and 13 minutes.
Barbara Howard has been in love with Melissa Schemmenti for 15 years, 7 months, 22 days, 2 hours and 7 minutes.
The first thing she saw was the hair. It was bright orange, and long. Melissa was wearing a leather jacket. Her entire outfit was black. And she wore combat boots. When Melissa’s eyes stopped on Barbara’s she smiled. To Barbara it felt like they had known each other their entire lives. She knew she shouldn’t even approach the woman, and yet she found herself unable to resist it. They had become fast friends. Settling into routine with ease.
But Barbara had never let herself speak her truth to Melissa. By the time they met Barbara was already married, she was ready to have kids. How was she to explain it?
And Melissa was subtle to others, but not with Barbara. Before Joe, Melissa had told her about women she had been with. About loving women too.
Barbara wondered many times why she couldn't also love men. If she loved Gerald the way she loved Melissa it would be easier to accept it. If that was the case, then maybe she wouldn’t be so ashamed of herself. Maybe she would be able to admit out loud she too loved women.
Gerald is not shocked when he gets home and sees Melissa’s car in the driveway. He knows that he’ll enter the house and he’ll find them drinking wine (good wine, bought by Melissa), and Melissa will kiss Gary and they’ll leave. And then, Barbara will ask how the fishing went.
Gerald knows he will have to talk about it. There’s no way he’s not gonna let her know Gary knows about them, he respects her too much not to. He knows Barbara will be mad with him.
They never fought about their relationship. They had set out the rules pretty early on. They had responsibilities, and they could rely on each other. But Gerald knew they would have a big fight tonight.
So he did everything exactly how he was supposed to. He smiled at Melissa, he set his fishing gear in the right place in the garage, he heated the food Barbara left for him, he thanked her for the food. He showered. He put on his pajamas. And he sat on the bed waiting for Barbara.
He did it calmly. He knew that it would possibly change everything. He breathed deeply.
“Are you certain you want to say whatever it is you want to say?” Barbara had taken her time getting ready for bed. She sat on the bed, by Gerald’s side, she took his hand on hers.
“Yes, I am.” Gerald says, and he knows it’s going to be painful for her. But he also knows she needs it in order for them to work out what to do.
“I knew you liked him. I noticed the way you washed the dishes so close, the kitchen isn’t that small.” Barbara said, and it was supposed to hurt him in some way, but he knew that would happen already. Gerald was expecting it. He knew how to hurt back.
“You know she feels the same about you, right?” He knows it's low. They never talked about it, about Barbara and Melissa. Gerald had never asked. Gerald had grown used to the sight of them in his house. He had grown used to Melissa, even if they weren’t close.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” it’s defensive, her voice is cutting, but low.
“It’s been 20 years, Barbs. I think it’s time you admit it.” Is what he says. That he meant that he needs it so they can move on is implied. She gets very quiet. And still. Gerald looks at his wife, and he can see that she’s lost in her thoughts. He knows there’s a fight going on inside her mind. He knows it’s not easy for her. In that moment he loves her even more.
Nothing happens for minutes. They stay still. Barbara with her thoughts. Gerald is still looking at her, waiting patiently.
“I love her. I’ve been in love with her since I first saw her.” it’s a whisper, and if he wasn’t so focused on Barbara he might’ve missed. He might’ve missed the way tears fill her eyes. He doesn’t. Gerald pulls Barbara into an embrace. He whispers to her that she’s fine, that she’s not bad or wrong to feel that way. That none of them are bad people for loving who they love. By the time Barbara calms down, Gerald only pulls her to lie down in bed. They fall asleep still cuddled to each other.
It’s Sunday but Barbara does not put on her church clothes. She makes breakfast, slowly. She’s taking her time. By the time Gerald wakes up and goes to the kitchen, breakfast is ready. But Barbara eats very little. She feels like she might be sick at any moment. Anxiety is threatening to take over and Barbara is not really used to that.
Gerald is by her side in a moment. Arms around her.
“I know, it takes time. Let's talk through. I need to know what you want to do.” He says gently.
They decide on divorce. They know they will need to tell their kids about it, and they decide they’ll tell them the truth. Barbara just needs some time to adapt to it.
They are still talking when Barbara gets a message from Melissa asking to have dinner with her because she “made way too much food”. Barbara doesn’t know what to think. She wonders if Gary has told Melissa about Gerald. About her. She agrees to it, of course she does. It’s not like Barbara had ever said no to her. And she wasn’t about to start doing it.
Gerald helps her pick up clothes. He keeps with her throughout this. They talk about it. He gives her advice. She tells him little facts about Melissa. Things she stored in her head and never said out loud to another person.
Gerald tells her to text or call if she needs anything. Barbara tells him to stop parenting her, she’s not a teenager. But she smiles in the way that tells him she’s thankful for him. He smiles in the way that tells her to “go get your girl”.
Barbara turns off the car. She breathes deeply and slowly for a few seconds. She’s got this. Melissa is, before all, her friend. She’s someone Barbara has known for decades. There’s no reason for Barbara to feel anxious. Melissa is opening the door before she can press the doorbell. It makes Barbara smile. Before she knows, they are settling into their routine. Barbara takes off her shoes and coat. Picks up the wine glass she knows it’s on the kitchen counter for her. It turns out Melissa wasn’t lying when she said she cooked way too much food. There was a lot of it, and that automatically rings an alarm on Barbara’s mind. Because the last time she saw Melissa cook like this, non-stop like a compulsion, was when Joe left. When she made him leave. Barbara stays by Melissa’s side.
“Is everything ok, darling?” Barbara’s voice seems to make Melissa stop.
“Gary broke up with me.” Melissa says. It’s matter-of-fact. She’s staring right at Barbara. There’s no sadness in her eyes, or her voice. It’s almost like a dare. They stay like this for a moment. Just looking at each other. Melissa’s unsaid words.
“I’m getting divorced.” Barbara’s voice seems very far from herself. She can barely recall saying the words. It happens very fast, she says it and Melissa’s arms are around her, pulling her into a hug Barbara leans into without a doubt. When Melissa pulls back a little their eyes meet again. Barbara wonders if Melissa will pull her into a kiss. Barbara pulls back a little. She’s not trying to reject Melissa’s advance. But the possibility of it scares her for a few seconds. Melissa pulls back too, expression betraying her confused thoughts. Barbara pulls her close. Her lips touch Melissa’s cheek.
“I need us to go slow, I’m sorry.” Barbara whispers.
“Hey” Melissa pulls back again. Gently pushing Barbara’s chin so she’ll look at her. There’s understanding in Melissa’s eyes.
“We have all the time in the world.” Melissa says with a smile.
Gerald is sitting on his couch. Wearing underwear and a shirt. A plate of mac’n cheese is waiting to be cleaned in the kitchen. He’s changing TV channels, looking for anything that seems remotely interesting. It has been half an hour since Barbara texted him to tell everything was alright, and that he didn’t need to worry. Or wait for her.
It’s late at night. And for more than they had talked, neither he or Gary had talked about their feelings. He considers calling, but decides it would be rude. Maybe he understands Barb’s anxiety. Because he feels it in his bones.
Then the doorbell rings.
Gerald looks through the window first. What he sees is Gary, wearing his usual jeans and t-shirt. He seems anxious outside the house. Pacing in front of the door. Gerald runs to open the door.
When he does he can feel Gary’s eyes on his body.
“Come in.” Gerald says. “I’m sorry for the lack of clothing.” Gerald laughs, a bit embarrassed.
“I’m not. Melissa texted. Apparently they're good.” Gary says,
“They are. I’m getting divorced.” Gerald says. And it’s enough for Gary to put him, gently, across the wall. But it’s Gerald that holds Gary’s t-shirt in his hands and pulls him into a passionate kiss.
They’re good too.